Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Yellow

Must I always be the mediator? The middle man in every single situation.
I haven't felt this way for years....

Another chapter is finished in my life.
Another page turned that I will never be able to write again.

I was right there; about to start over anew when you attempted to screw things up.
And out of all of this I am mad at myself the most for letting you get to me.
A single second I thought to myself "what if he's right?" and I died inside.
"Every Time You Justify Another Good In You Dies"
I hate myself for the one second of doubt. For one second of weakness.
I could never know his pain, nor do I want to know.
I always thought it was best to put myself in another's shoes.

Now what will I do? I will continue on becoming more and more grateful
each day to the things that I am graced with. To be with those friends I love more than anything.
To love my family who have never gave up on me.
I am lucky enough to have an Ok life with problems that don't even compare to others' problems.
I could never know what they all go through, I can never feel their pain.
I guess I can only try to understand and be there if they want me there.
One of my best friends told me tonight that I can tell him anything if I needed to.
I never liked the idea of burdening others with problems that are my own...
but maybe it's time I let a few people in. 4 years is a long time to hold things in.




Nicole,
I know this will probably sound cliche' but you are amazing.
In fact, there aren't any words I can come up with that can completely describe what you mean to me. I feel weightless when I'm with you. As if I could walk upon water or drift through the air.
Your voice makes my heart race. I could go on all night about why I like you so but I doubt whomsoever reading this blog would want to read an endless amount of text.
I can't wait to get to know you more. You intrigue me.


I wrote this before I even met you but I feel like I wrote it for you:

Last night she spoke wonder into my ears
and I shivered at every glance into her eyes.
It was then I saw eternity, cloaked in shadows
though still as fierce as the burning sun.
Reaching out into nothing but
Hoping to hold onto everything you are.

I wreck my frigid mind with thoughts of you.
You are the snow on my writhen branches.
You are the burn of the summer heat.
I am everything you could never want...
But you are all I need.

In a world where dreams seem unrealistic,
and one man's goals are another man's routine...
all of this seems worthwhile, it all seems worthwhile.

Eternity comes at it's fullest, if it comes at all.
And until that day I will wander like the clouds,
and I will write your name in chalk along the streets.
I am the bitter chill of your coldest winters,
I am the fiercest gales of your darkest storms.
You are everything I could never want
But you are all I need...

-Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I have a few more I could share later but now's not the time.

You probably won't even read this I realize...
but if you do let's go to Canada.

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