Boats and Birds

I find it funny how we've only been going out for a little more than a week
and the feelings I have for you now are greater than any I've had for any girl in the past.

I have so much to say about you that I can't type it all down right now.
You make me happier than anything.
I got lost on the bus and wandered empty streets in the rain and
I didn't even notice because I was so intent on seeing you today.
I've changed more in the last week than I could've done in an entire year.

There's so many things I'm inspired to do now because of you.
You helped me realize how much my friends really mean to me.
You're magic.

If my friend's were to read this they'd probably laugh at me.
Idk if you're even reading this. yes, you Nicole, if you are.
I'm going to stop worrying about everything now.
I trust you. I really do.

Ok I'm going to go do something productive :)

Good morning

You mean so much to me. I hope you know. I feel invincible when you're around.
You're so strong and resilient after everything this world has thrown at you.
You're my heroine, my inspiration, my muse.

I learn more and more about you everyday.
You amaze me. I can't not think about you.
If my mind wanders then it wanders towards you.
I could stare into your eyes for hours, maybe even days, if you'd let me.
I shiver with every glance you give me.
You're the last thing I think about before I shut my eyes to sleep
and the first when I wake.

I'm looking forward to our adventures.
Whatever they may be

Yellow

Must I always be the mediator? The middle man in every single situation.
I haven't felt this way for years....

Another chapter is finished in my life.
Another page turned that I will never be able to write again.

I was right there; about to start over anew when you attempted to screw things up.
And out of all of this I am mad at myself the most for letting you get to me.
A single second I thought to myself "what if he's right?" and I died inside.
"Every Time You Justify Another Good In You Dies"
I hate myself for the one second of doubt. For one second of weakness.
I could never know his pain, nor do I want to know.
I always thought it was best to put myself in another's shoes.

Now what will I do? I will continue on becoming more and more grateful
each day to the things that I am graced with. To be with those friends I love more than anything.
To love my family who have never gave up on me.
I am lucky enough to have an Ok life with problems that don't even compare to others' problems.
I could never know what they all go through, I can never feel their pain.
I guess I can only try to understand and be there if they want me there.
One of my best friends told me tonight that I can tell him anything if I needed to.
I never liked the idea of burdening others with problems that are my own...
but maybe it's time I let a few people in. 4 years is a long time to hold things in.




Nicole,
I know this will probably sound cliche' but you are amazing.
In fact, there aren't any words I can come up with that can completely describe what you mean to me. I feel weightless when I'm with you. As if I could walk upon water or drift through the air.
Your voice makes my heart race. I could go on all night about why I like you so but I doubt whomsoever reading this blog would want to read an endless amount of text.
I can't wait to get to know you more. You intrigue me.


I wrote this before I even met you but I feel like I wrote it for you:

Last night she spoke wonder into my ears
and I shivered at every glance into her eyes.
It was then I saw eternity, cloaked in shadows
though still as fierce as the burning sun.
Reaching out into nothing but
Hoping to hold onto everything you are.

I wreck my frigid mind with thoughts of you.
You are the snow on my writhen branches.
You are the burn of the summer heat.
I am everything you could never want...
But you are all I need.

In a world where dreams seem unrealistic,
and one man's goals are another man's routine...
all of this seems worthwhile, it all seems worthwhile.

Eternity comes at it's fullest, if it comes at all.
And until that day I will wander like the clouds,
and I will write your name in chalk along the streets.
I am the bitter chill of your coldest winters,
I am the fiercest gales of your darkest storms.
You are everything I could never want
But you are all I need...
-Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I have a few more I could share later but now's not the time.

You probably won't even read this I realize...
but if you do let's go to Canada.

-

I have no clue as to what I'm writing about.

I long for the ocean. It seems my friends are less enthusiastic than I to be out and about in the world. To go hiking and swimming. I'll just wait 'till I get my license to do what I want.

Stress, not from school or work but from relationships. Friendships to be exact. I'm always the middle man because I put myself in that position. I'll take the blame because I don't want others to be burdened for stupid reasons. I'm not trying to be a martyr. I can barely fix my own problems. I guess I just want everyone to get along but that's not working anymore. I'm just causing more and more problems. I hate trying to be everyone's friend sometimes. I don't know, I bite off more than I can chew and get screwed by my dumb choice to be on everyone's good side.

And out of all of this the only good that's really happened was hanging out with her for a few days.
I'm not confused about my feelings. I just hope I know what I want. Though I feel like a hypocrite for telling other girls who were interested in me that I'm uninterested because of the age difference. Everyone's telling me that age shouldn't matter and it shouldn't. There's just so much crap drama going on right now that I want to wait until it's over... Idk I hope things go well....

Goodnight, I doubt anyone reads my posts anyway.