You're incredible. I find new things to like about you everyday :)

I'm scared though, that someone will see us in the wrong light
and do something that will end us or take you away from me.
I'm not one to walk on glass but for you I'll do anything.
Even if it means holding back and not seeing you as often.
As long as I can hear your voice I'll be happy.
Though I'll miss you quite a bit :(

I'm all here. I'm all in and I never go all in.
People may disagree and shake their heads.
It's not wrong to date someone 5 years younger.
I'm not in it for the wrong reasons.
You amaze me beyond belief.

Osteoblast

'In this shallow room,
I've laid down all honesty.
And in my sullen words,
I've whispered you to sleep.

We were woven beneath the sky
Into this tapestry we call love
(I'm all here, I'm here for you)
Mere fabricable beings...

We taste the air with every breath we take
and we kiss death by wasting our lungs on words.
Breathe in the colors, Breathe out my dear.

Stranded among iridescent waves
Am I not a man?
Stranded among these days.
Our lives play out in front of us (right in front of us)'

Odd how everything I wrote before we met,
seems to match you so well.
I want to turn these words into a song one day.
And I'll sing it to you because you're the only one
who seems to like my singing =)



Nicole Peralta, I'm falling so hard for you.

Bleed for you

I just can't get enough of you.
Is that a bad thing?

We're still so early in our relationship,
but I have so much feelings for you.
I'm scared to tell you truly how I feel because
I'm scared I'll frighten you away...

My chest hurts when I have to leave your side...

I have these selfish thoughts that I hate.
I'm so fricking selfish. Sometimes I want you to myself.
But I'm really trying to change.
If you're reading this... this is why I look upset every so often.
I hate myself sometimes because of my thoughts.

I trust you completely.

I wish I could take away all your sorrow.
You're stronger than you think you are.

"If I could take your pain away
I would scream for you
And I'll bleed for you
So you'll never feel this way again
When you're in my arms again
I would scream for you
I will bleed for you

So put the weight on my shoulders
And the pain in my heart
Tie the knots in my stomach
and let it tear me apart.
So I could be everything you need"

I am weak.

I can't stop thinking that something or someone is going to take you away from me...
It makes me think too much and I grow sad.
I trust you completely, I just don't trust other people...
I guess that just shows how much you mean to me...

You are my light in the darkest of nights...

Boats and Birds

I find it funny how we've only been going out for a little more than a week
and the feelings I have for you now are greater than any I've had for any girl in the past.

I have so much to say about you that I can't type it all down right now.
You make me happier than anything.
I got lost on the bus and wandered empty streets in the rain and
I didn't even notice because I was so intent on seeing you today.
I've changed more in the last week than I could've done in an entire year.

There's so many things I'm inspired to do now because of you.
You helped me realize how much my friends really mean to me.
You're magic.

If my friend's were to read this they'd probably laugh at me.
Idk if you're even reading this. yes, you Nicole, if you are.
I'm going to stop worrying about everything now.
I trust you. I really do.

Ok I'm going to go do something productive :)

Good morning

You mean so much to me. I hope you know. I feel invincible when you're around.
You're so strong and resilient after everything this world has thrown at you.
You're my heroine, my inspiration, my muse.

I learn more and more about you everyday.
You amaze me. I can't not think about you.
If my mind wanders then it wanders towards you.
I could stare into your eyes for hours, maybe even days, if you'd let me.
I shiver with every glance you give me.
You're the last thing I think about before I shut my eyes to sleep
and the first when I wake.

I'm looking forward to our adventures.
Whatever they may be

Yellow

Must I always be the mediator? The middle man in every single situation.
I haven't felt this way for years....

Another chapter is finished in my life.
Another page turned that I will never be able to write again.

I was right there; about to start over anew when you attempted to screw things up.
And out of all of this I am mad at myself the most for letting you get to me.
A single second I thought to myself "what if he's right?" and I died inside.
"Every Time You Justify Another Good In You Dies"
I hate myself for the one second of doubt. For one second of weakness.
I could never know his pain, nor do I want to know.
I always thought it was best to put myself in another's shoes.

Now what will I do? I will continue on becoming more and more grateful
each day to the things that I am graced with. To be with those friends I love more than anything.
To love my family who have never gave up on me.
I am lucky enough to have an Ok life with problems that don't even compare to others' problems.
I could never know what they all go through, I can never feel their pain.
I guess I can only try to understand and be there if they want me there.
One of my best friends told me tonight that I can tell him anything if I needed to.
I never liked the idea of burdening others with problems that are my own...
but maybe it's time I let a few people in. 4 years is a long time to hold things in.




Nicole,
I know this will probably sound cliche' but you are amazing.
In fact, there aren't any words I can come up with that can completely describe what you mean to me. I feel weightless when I'm with you. As if I could walk upon water or drift through the air.
Your voice makes my heart race. I could go on all night about why I like you so but I doubt whomsoever reading this blog would want to read an endless amount of text.
I can't wait to get to know you more. You intrigue me.


I wrote this before I even met you but I feel like I wrote it for you:

Last night she spoke wonder into my ears
and I shivered at every glance into her eyes.
It was then I saw eternity, cloaked in shadows
though still as fierce as the burning sun.
Reaching out into nothing but
Hoping to hold onto everything you are.

I wreck my frigid mind with thoughts of you.
You are the snow on my writhen branches.
You are the burn of the summer heat.
I am everything you could never want...
But you are all I need.

In a world where dreams seem unrealistic,
and one man's goals are another man's routine...
all of this seems worthwhile, it all seems worthwhile.

Eternity comes at it's fullest, if it comes at all.
And until that day I will wander like the clouds,
and I will write your name in chalk along the streets.
I am the bitter chill of your coldest winters,
I am the fiercest gales of your darkest storms.
You are everything I could never want
But you are all I need...
-Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I have a few more I could share later but now's not the time.

You probably won't even read this I realize...
but if you do let's go to Canada.

-

I have no clue as to what I'm writing about.

I long for the ocean. It seems my friends are less enthusiastic than I to be out and about in the world. To go hiking and swimming. I'll just wait 'till I get my license to do what I want.

Stress, not from school or work but from relationships. Friendships to be exact. I'm always the middle man because I put myself in that position. I'll take the blame because I don't want others to be burdened for stupid reasons. I'm not trying to be a martyr. I can barely fix my own problems. I guess I just want everyone to get along but that's not working anymore. I'm just causing more and more problems. I hate trying to be everyone's friend sometimes. I don't know, I bite off more than I can chew and get screwed by my dumb choice to be on everyone's good side.

And out of all of this the only good that's really happened was hanging out with her for a few days.
I'm not confused about my feelings. I just hope I know what I want. Though I feel like a hypocrite for telling other girls who were interested in me that I'm uninterested because of the age difference. Everyone's telling me that age shouldn't matter and it shouldn't. There's just so much crap drama going on right now that I want to wait until it's over... Idk I hope things go well....

Goodnight, I doubt anyone reads my posts anyway.

What you gave away.

I've been studying myself as of late.
A month ago I believed that animation and video games were my future. Though I still remained unfocused whenever it came to any sort of education with the two.

As a kid I loved the ocean and I still do 'till this very day. I would look forward to going to pick up my step dad with my mom. He worked at Campbell Industrial Park next to the ocean. While waiting for him I would explore the shoreline, playing with creatures in the tide pools. I wanted to have my own aquarium when I was older and teach people about the ocean. That dream faded away...
but I think I'm going back to it...

Going to get my liberal arts degree then I may go into Marine Biology...
Just thinking about it makes me smile...

Last Light

So I've been thinking tons lately, well rather more than usual.
No ideas yet on what to do if I can't return to college next semester.
I can't believe I let myself do so bad this semester. If I make it to next
semester I've got to run things a bit differently.
Straighten out my priorities this summer. So much wasted time.

"I need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
I need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
I need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
I need you to be the might of their first kiss
I need a purpose and i need a reason
I need to know that there is trophy and meaning
to all that we lose and all we fight for
to all our loves and our wars
keep breathing
keep living
keep searching
keep pushing on
keep bleeding
keep healing
keep fading
keep shining on
this is for the hearts still beating" - Converge

Stay Small

Yesterday was far from simple now that I think about it.
I have the wildest imagination at times.

It's funny how when you like a girl,
everything around her seems dull in her presence...
Your eyes focus out everything except her.
And things start to blur
Your heart races
and you feel as if you're weightless.

yeah... I love it

Brace myself

Keeping myself in check has been a chore lately.
I need to do something more than just wander aimlessly through life.
Decisions are laid before the indecisive person that I am.

Here's my to do list for 2009: (hopefully I'll complete it)

• Become financially stable
• Obtain my driver's license
• Decide on an academic goal
• Find my muse and stick with it
• Find a job that actually matches my academic goals

Now these may seem like simple plans but they are a big part of my future goals.
I want see most of the world by the time I'm 26. Why? because I said so.

Again, I remain undecided on quite a few things.
What will I major in? it's racking my mind. I love school, but why go to school
if it's not going to lead to anything?

Alternate plan:
I'm still going to pursue music with MeM, wherever the road takes us =]
I love playing with them and I'm hoping people will enjoy what we enjoy.

"keep writing... keep dreaming"

There's a certain rush that I get when I think
I'm beginning to have feelings for a girl.
It's the rush that keeps me smiling all day
and makes me forget how to do the easiest of tasks.
She's not something I expected or wanted from day one
and to this day, I really don't think I'm anything she'd ever want.

But what do I know right?
I'm not lacking in self-confidence, I just lack in self-deserving.
I can't get her off of my mind.
Tomorrow is a new day, new beginnings.... I'm hoping I'll sort my feelings out soon.
'Cause I hate losing sleep over something so simple.

"keep writing... keep dreaming"

Tonight my sleeping schedule reboot will start.
Going to bed at 2am instead of 5am!

Anyway, random thought:
I hate how however much I start liking a girl,
the idea of us being together becomes more and more far fetched.

Do I sound upset?
I'm actually in a very good mood.
I've never been better.

I'm actually saving up money to buy a desk.
A desk of all things and a new desktop computer.
Hopefully something from Newegg?